Hey there! 😄
Have you ever paid attention to the way you speak to yourself when no one else is around? Not the conversations you have with friends, family, or coworkers, but the quiet voice that stays with you throughout the day. The one that reacts when you make a mistake, when something does not go according to plan, or when you feel like you could have done more.
I think a lot of us are much kinder to other people than we are to ourselves, I definitely know I am. 🙈 If a friend came to us feeling disappointed, overwhelmed, or frustrated, we would probably know exactly what to say. We would tell them that mistakes happen, that they are trying their best, and that one bad day does not erase everything they have accomplished. Yet when we are the ones struggling, we often replace that kindness with criticism.
The Science Behind How We Talk to Ourselves
This is something psychologists have studied through the concept of self-compassion. Research has shown that the way we respond to ourselves during difficult moments can influence how we handle stress, process emotions, and recover from challenges. People who practice more self-compassion tend to show greater resilience and emotional well-being.
What I find interesting is that self-compassion is often misunderstood. It is not about ignoring mistakes, avoiding accountability, or convincing ourselves that everything is perfect. It is not about lowering our standards or refusing to improve. Instead, it is about changing the way we approach ourselves when things do not go well.
There is a big difference between saying, "I made a mistake, and I can learn from this," versus saying, "I always make mistakes." One allows room for growth, while the other keeps us stuck in shame. The situation may be the same, but the way we speak to ourselves can change how we move forward.
Why We Are Often Harder on Ourselves
I think many of us learned, consciously or unconsciously, that being hard on ourselves was part of becoming better. We believed that criticism was motivation and that being strict with ourselves would push us toward improvement.
And sometimes, self-reflection is necessary. It is healthy to recognize where we can do better. 😌 But there is a difference between wanting to grow and constantly feeling like we are not enough.
Growth does not require us to dislike ourselves first.
We can acknowledge our weaknesses while still recognizing our efforts. We can admit that we made the wrong choice while still giving ourselves the patience to learn. We can want more for ourselves without constantly making ourselves feel like we have failed.
Learning to Be on Our Own Side
Self-care is often associated with external things: taking a break, creating healthier routines, or finding moments of relaxation with our Oleia Topical Oils (still top tier, don’t get me wrong). But I think care also begins internally, with the way we treat ourselves when life becomes difficult.
The next time you catch yourself being overly critical, try asking: "Would I say this to someone I love?"
If the answer is no, maybe that same kindness belongs to you too. 🥰
We spend every day listening to our own thoughts. We carry our own worries, celebrate our own wins, and navigate our own challenges. The voice inside our head is one of the longest conversations we will ever have.
Maybe it is worth making that conversation a little kinder.
Show me your bottle and I’ll show you mine? 'Til next time! 🫶🏻
xo, L.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12671-024-02383-w
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306453022002050